Thursday, June 13, 2024

The EU’s horoscope for 2020

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The EU celebrates Europe Day every May 9 — marking the anniversary of the Schuman Declaration in 1950 — so that makes it a Taurus (April 20-May 20).

Some leading modern EU types are also Taureans, including Donald Tusk, Josep Borrell, Frans Timmermans and Margrethe Vestager.

So we took a look at our star charts to find out what the year ahead has in store for the EU.


The beginning of the year will bring a lot of extra energy into your immediate environment (mainly because you’ve not had anything to do for months).

And that’s good news because, after years of planetary realignment, 2020 will be the year that Brexit is finally over with and we can all move on with our lives. Only joking; even the combined talents of astrologers and the European commissioner for foresight can’t figure out when this nightmare will finally be over. That means Ursula von der Leyen can postpone the order for 150,000 tons of Tippex to remove the U.K.’s name from all of the bloc’s paperwork.

From mid-March, Saturn will be squarely in your decan (sounds painful!) and that can make you feel pressured and burdened. Fear not, the Germans have the rotating presidency of the Council of the EU in the second half of the year, so nothing will go wrong.

Sadly, the enormous Uranus that has been casting a shadow on you from Washington could very well remain in view after November’s U.S. presidential election.


The most beautiful creature ever to grace God’s green earth will continue to appear in the mirror in front of Emmanuel Macron.

Plus, the potential for new loves and crushes will be higher than at any time in the past five years (especially after a few Duvels down at Place Lux on a Thursday evening). However, there will be no romance in the east, as North Macedonia will only get approval to start EU membership talks if it changes its name once again, to North Macron. Albania will never, ever join the EU.


If you don’t get too stressed about missed opportunities (*cough* Frans Timmermans) then this year could be a healthy one, especially if a large, fatty, yet benign deposit is forcibly removed as a result of Brexit.

That perpetual risk to the EU’s health, Vladimir Putin, remains as powerful as ever. Look out for a potential invasion of a former Soviet state shortly after the first Russian athlete is sent home from the Tokyo Olympics for doping.

Now that there will be a European commissioner responsible for “protecting (sorry, promoting) the European way of life,” what better time to sign a major trade pact with the Mercosur bloc that will see masses of Argentine beef make its way onto European plates — because, as climate change activists will tell you, there’s nothing better for the environment than a steak.


Taureans are dependable, steady and good with money. That’s good news as there’s going to be a lot less of it going around in future. Discussion on the EU’s big spending plans for the next seven years will dominate the beginning of 2020, and you don’t need to consult the stars to work out that the Dutch won’t want to spend any money and the Greeks will want to spend someone else’s.

Thankfully, there’ll be a commissioner responsible for “an economy that works for people,” which is great news for, er, people.

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